I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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