.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
