apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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