Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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