dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think my vagina is haunted
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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