do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
