Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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