I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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