I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
