I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Enjoy the penises
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
