I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
