i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
