just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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