Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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