i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
