Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I could make wine with my vomit
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
