Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
