I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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