i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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