Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
