You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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