she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
