he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize