The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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