u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
