we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
