That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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