nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
