I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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