Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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