you guys were way drunker than both of me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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