So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
