Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
