I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
