Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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