he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
