Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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