I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
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she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
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I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The uberlube is also flammable
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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