he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
