I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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