Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
