i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
