Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
