he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
