You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
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Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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