anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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