Will you blow on my dice?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
