Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
