K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
