Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He shit in the fireplace
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