If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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