it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
