How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
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We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
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So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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