I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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