Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
