How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
