i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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