grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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