i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just googled if crying burns calories
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
