Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
