im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
