don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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