also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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