Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
40s are totally the cure
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
