My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
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we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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