the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Randomize
