just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
