Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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