I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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