Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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