garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
