So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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