glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
