she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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