he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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