I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
