Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
