I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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