It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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