ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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