You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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