Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
