good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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